Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Il tempo viene per chi sa aspettare

There are two things I seek in life: balance and happiness. I'm known as the girl who sets "too high of standards" for the things and people in my life. I'm far from perfect, but hey... i simply refuse to settle for anything less than what i feel is best for me. When a person chooses to settle - karma's equilibrium is out of balance and happiness becomes like saccharin - artificial and unpure. I refuse to take that path in life. But in setting high standards you coerce yourself into depths of disappointments. When you pick and choose your targets , your intentions are always of success. So when things dont go as planned, the feeling of let down far surpasses unintentional disappointments tenfold. So I'm left to wonder... if having such high expectations is a bad thing, maybe I should expect nothing. in expecting nothing I lose nothing, right? Ill always maintain the same standards for myself...this is for sure. I give out what I want back in life- therefore, i always dish out more than expected in whatever I do. It's others I think I may have to pull back on. Obviously, as i've come to realize, there's not many people who share similar standards as I. I learned this a long time ago, and continue to relearn it the hard way with each passing dissapointment. It just seems as though it's getting harder and harder to meet people remotely close to genuine nowadays- and when I do- and they turn out to be fakes and complete opposites of what I pinned them for- the feeling of disappointment is far greater than any other. 1- I get upset at myself for falling into a mousetrap of fakeness 2- It just simply sucks. I feel emotionally bankrupt and start questioning myself like I am now. I know there's genuine people out there... I just dont know where. Maybe Im looking in the wrong places. Maybe the looking part is what Im doing wrong. They say things come to you when you stop looking... so that could be the first of my problems. Or maybe its not the looking, its the expecting. Expecting to find the epitome of wholeness - the missing paperweight of balance in my life. The person who lives by his word and speaks only the truth, not just the truth of what he wants you to hear. The person who loves with all his heart who showcases passion and zeal for more than just hooking up and sex. A man that knows a hoe might get him a piece of ass, but a real woman will give him her entire self. A person who loves life for all it is, and wants to share its experiences with me and my family. Who knows family is precious and places them above all else. Who gives more than he takes, takes less than hes offered, and appreciates everything on the way. A person who can keep me on my toes and make me smile - who knows how to have a good time and makes the most out of every moment. The person who knows the meaning of commitment, compassion, compromise and companionship. Who understands 2 becomes 1, I's becomes we's, and together nothing is beyond reach. The person is out there... and for every fake , impassionate, impure, and unreal person I meet along the way- It will make that one true person that much more extraordinary and mind-blowing. Ill continue to chalk up the let downs and disappointments as lessons learned, and just continue trudging forward. I pity the people who settle, pity the people who are insincere, and pity the people who are unreal with themselves- because in essence, their life is a huge faux. If thats the life they choose to live, for whatever reason, than theyre not worth being apart of mine. It hurts when youre hoodwinked , but theres nothing as indigent as deceiving yourself. So next time I look into your eyes and smile , know that your fakeness is transparent and Im only smiling because Im one step ahead of your game. I laugh because youre deceiving yourself , not because youre lying to me. Its said.. Il tempo viene per chi sa aspettare ... and I'm still waiting.

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