Friday, June 11, 2010

The Rules of JenN

** I found this online YEARS ago and fell in love with it then. I'm not quite sure how I stumbled upon it today- but I still love it just the same. ***

A constantly evolving set of guidelines for dealing with resplendent JenNitude on a day-to-day basis.

(The gaps in the numbering are intentional and represent rules that have yet to be written, not rules that have been omitted)

#1 - Jenn is an exceptional person who is to be worshipped and adored at all times.

#2 - Jenn is always special.

#3 - Jenn is frequently up to something.

#4 - Jenn can usually get away with it.

#5 - If your relationship with Jenn fails, it's your fault.

#7 - There is no rule 7.

#8 - Jenn isn't easily fooled. She has Her own reasons for letting you think you've pulled one over on Her, which will only become clear when it is advantageous for Her so to do.

#9 - (The Srey Maxim) Jenn does not like being kept waiting.

#10 - If and when she so desires, Jenn is to be cuddled and comforted without question or hesitation.

#11 - Thou shalt not taunt Jenn, lest ye be consigned to the fifth circle of hell-dating where the women are all named after department stores.

#12 - Jenn is always right, especially when she isn't.

#13 - Jenn does not procrastinate; she waits until the time is right.

#14 - (The Goldfinch Guideline) Dating Jenn is a commitment to a lifetime spent worshipping the wonder that is Her, even if you never see her again (see also #5).

#15 - Jenn will cross the road when and where she wants, which may be before or after everyone else.

#16 - (The Jezzie Precept) For the duration of your relationship or acquaintance with Jenn these Rules (and any personal supplements) will render null and void any or all of your own rules, at her discretion.

#17 - (The Second Jezzie Precept) If you don't understand what Jenn is talking about, it's probably because She's talking Jenglish, a unique subset of English for which there can be no dictionary as words and meanings are subject to change at Her whim. (see also #52).

#18 - (The Third Jezzie Precept) Because Jenns are by nature beautiful and have a tendency towards cheery mischief, it is easy to misinterpret an innocent look as something saucy. Jenn fans who have been the targets of Jenuine sauciness know the difference, and never forget...

#19 - Jenn can always read maps perfectly. You, however, can't follow her clear, precise directions, no matter how many milliseconds she gives you before screaming "Left! Left!" as you pass the turning.

#20 - The last piece of candy, brownie, popcorn, soda, beer, slice of pizza, breadstick or spoonful of ice cream belongs to Jenn.

#21 - Jenn always looks beautiful.

#22 - Whatever Jenn has to say is worth listening to.

#23 - (The Powroz Principle) The subject changes when Jenn says so.

#24 - However Jenn wants to pronounce or spell her name is the correct way.

#25 - Jenn is a tidy eater. That piece of food on the restaurant floor fell off your fork. If it's something only Jenn ordered, you must have picked at her plate while she wasn't looking...

#26 - (Corollary to #20 and #25) Jenn does not like people picking at her plate while she isn't looking.

#27 - Jenn should not be expected to work on her birthday.

#28 - (The Stevens Sutra, addendum to rule #27) Jenn's birthday is a holiday, and should be treated as such, even if it means taking the day off, calling in sick, or cancelling other plans to be with her.

#31 - Jenn is exceedingly clever.

#31 - Jenn doesn't like seeing two rules with the same number.

#32 - Jenn always has the last word. Anything you might say after that is the start of a new discussion/argument.

#33 - As soon as your relationship with Jenn starts she has the right to borrow your clothes, especially comfy sweatshirts, sweaters and t-shirts, but (being kind and considerate) she'll probably let you keep your fifteen-year-old "lucky" underpants all to yourself...

#35 - Jenn always does things her way. Don't ask.

#36 - Jenn knows what information you need to know about Jenn.

#37 - Addendum to #36) There is always more to Jenn than she is letting on.

#38 - (Greg's Theory of Jeneral Relativity) If you are behind Jenn, you are walking too slowly; if you are in front of Jenn you are walking too fast.

#39 - If and when Jenn makes an appearance, consider it a gift.

#40 - Only Jenn decides if the temperature is right for opening the window.

#41 - Any poetry by Jenn is good poetry.

#43 - Withhold Jenn's chocolate at your peril.

#45 - Anything Jenn laughs at is funny. Things Jenn will not laugh at you hiding her chocolate.

#50 - Jenn does not like having any sort of camera pointed at her without permission. Carefully consider rule #8 before attempting a rule #21 defence.

#51 - (Corollary to #12 and #19) Jenn always knows where she's going, even if nobody else does.

#52 - Jenn always knows what she's talking about, even if nobody else does.

#53 - Jenn does not like having to make decisions.

#54 - (Addendum to #53) Jenn's decisions (when made) and opinions are always valid (See also Rule #12).

#55 - Withhold Jenn's chocolate at your peril. (Yes, we know that's the same as Rule #43, but it's *VERY* important to remember this...)

#61 - Jenn is sometimes inclined to wisecracking or being a smartass. It's cute.

No comments:

Post a Comment